Nick

So yeah I'm still here lol.

2006-02-23T11:36:11Z

so yeah I'm still here. How's it going with everyone, I know not to many pple read this anymore but I'm still here. How's everyone doing. I guess I'll put up some pics and poems or something. Enjoy lol.

http://img49.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cap1708copy4xp.jpg
http://img140.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cap17073qj.jpg
http://img240.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cap170119lh.jpg
http://img140.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cap12956aw.jpg

Christmas
http://img240.imageshack.us/my.php?image=christmas6ex.jpg

My dog.
http://img140.imageshack.us/my.php?image=hank1ft.jpg

My best friend ever who is having a baby soon, I'm gonna be an uncle :) lol. If it's a girl we are buying shotguns ;).
http://img140.imageshack.us/my.php?image=hiovani2up.jpg

All of us on a day of skating.
http://img240.imageshack.us/my.php?image=us0kh.jpg

A picture from about last january or so...so about one year ago.
http://img140.imageshack.us/my.php?image=family8gd.jpg

Now some poetry I guess...
RANDOMNESS

A world of risk
of chance.
throw your cards out on the table
take it....
Go for it and see what you get.
You'll fall...It's expected but pick urself up again
and just keep going
This pain swells....
Grows...
An unknowing feeling
This fear of letting go.
The fear to let you in.
Too close
What to do.
Just be happy
The pain and scars people create.
The wounds so deep they never Heal.
Can't be forgotten.
Other people leave these marks.
You can't forget them.
I'm here for you.
What to do....
Just.....................................................

Live.

More poemness...

To a most beautiful girl.

When I couldn't see.
You were there for me.
When the nights were long.
You stayed when everyone had gone.
You were the only one who would care.
The one who actually treated me fair.
You're the one who was on my mind.
The someone I was meant to find.
You're one of the best friends I know.
Now we have something more to show.
You care for me, I care for you.
It's something we always knew.
From the bowling night.
To this poem that I write.
Who knows what the future may hold.
But I'll still be there when we are old.
With whatever happens between us.
I'll always care for you without a fuss.
You've always been there for me.
I'll always be there for you..
You are as precious as a pearl.
This goes to a most beautiful girl.

Another random writing poem haha.

Boring writing haha.............Hatred of the contradictory reasons in such contradictory seasons, where the fire roars and yet its the water that burns, feelings twisted and contorted until confusion spins to no end, to all these misconceptions of a friendly voice that spills forth the dagger edged words that carve away at the feelings of love once felt, for these moments of the nodded yes and no's for the shrugged shoulders and the suggested ok's, it'll all be oblivious until the end when freedom and happiness break free from the chains of obscurity, as the life lived comes to and end and the pain is once washed away I will be happy, up until that moment, the momentary pleasure of happiness once again will be felt from the misfortunes of turning away what you knew was to be true for pride is blind and the feelings of the heart should have been followed, until then will there be the joy of the broken heart mended from the burning waters and frozen fires, until then.....

the boredness of a lonely frustrated heart.

Write write write for some reason i want to write. I tend to do it better with the randomness of it but it all makes sense in one way or another and is based around a certain meaning.

So Walks are long and lonely, the darkness all around, walking under the bridges made of stone, the damp smell and the sound of water dripping, these lonely paths of the repetive nature that is went through every day. Happiness was gained eventually from keeping away the amounts of heart-ache and pain that the fire of a heart brought, but why is that hole still there, not completely filled or happy, I'll do my best to keep going, from the uses for another's happiness which leaves you lost and confused, bringing joy to ones who want it and give nothing in return, the emotions are deeper, but keep those chains tight, locked down, don't let the chains have any give to em, a poker face should be worn as well, some day that light will shine through the darkness, for some reason there is still a slight thought, hope, for that fire to show and to have it returned with a smile and a look into eyes which is as deep and infinite as space, to where you can look for hours and still be amazed, it takes time, amounts of time that can seem like ages to get here, maybe from someone now in this life or someone that can step in that has yet to have been met. It's a mystery even the feelings of someone now, how can you know, should u know, what they feel, how they feel towards you, but until then............I'll keep walking, looking for that light to come through the darkness and that can unloosen the chains that are placed there,

so that was kinda random and moved from a couple things........I guess cuz i'm lonely at the moment and slightly depressed and frustrated. It sux gettin hurt in a relationship but for some damn reason there is still a slight bit of hope there.....i've tried to push it out but it's there and for some reason I keep hoping for someone..............maybe someday that person will reveal themselves or something.......i don't know......lol I'm tired to so this whole thing probably sux and may make no sense........

And a friend who I miss a lot for some reason.
http://img90.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cap16427qg.jpg
http://img90.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cap16614va.jpg
http://img45.imageshack.us/my.php?image=03070018copy7gs.jpg
http://img75.imageshack.us/img75/2460/bannercopy7ng.jpg
miss ya.

here again.

2005-12-13T10:19:27Z

I don't write in this very much, but i don't think anyone reads this anyways. Well thats ok i guess. Hmmm lots of stuff. Sorry there will be more i guess later.

03artist @ 2005-09-19T21:10:00

2005-09-20T02:26:29Z

Here are some pics Sorry I haven't been on in awhile :(. I'm back.
This is a banner I made.

Here is my brother, me and my Mom.

A banner I made.

And another banner I made.

Now here is a pic of my two best friends and They just got married. I took this pic of them while we got stuck at a train.

Here is a pic of Krystal my best friends new wife :).

And one more of her. This is her favorite one.

Now some random pics of me.....

bad pic of me blah...

Another blah one lol

03artist @ 2005-09-19T21:08:00

2005-09-20T02:10:06Z

http://img372.imageshack.us/my.php?image=nickban18cy.jpg

03artist @ 2005-08-02T09:40:00

2005-08-02T14:43:34Z

lalalala....being bored getting off of work :(. Well how is everyone. I'm ok I guess. Nothing to fancy going on here. Well laterz for now everyone.

Blah Blah Blah

2005-07-28T01:33:21Z

I'm just slightly upset. You know what a great thing to find out from other pple. Is that to someone you thought you meant a lot too you were really didn't mean that much to them and you had with them. That's just something wonderful to find out from someone else. So that's what upset me today. Someone that meant a lot too me I apparently meant little too as I hear. Maybe I'm just pissed off for no reason but whatever man.

Words to live by.........Fuck it.

Finally somebody out there cares lol.

2005-07-12T15:09:02Z

YAY!!!......Somebody out there actually cares about nice guys haha......lol found this on one of my friends sites lol..................Some day I'll find a girl that appreciates me for being nice lol...........

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girls' every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "Oh, but we're just friends." And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.

The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he"s too nice to date" or "He would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "He already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out" or the most frustrating of all: "No, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, insane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

03artist @ 2005-07-09T10:58:00

2005-07-09T16:04:09Z

I'm here........

Yeap

2005-06-28T20:57:07Z

You know........this world is a fucked up place......and all these feelings that are upsetting me the people that this is directed too don't even have a Livejournal or anything and don't even care probably. So I give a FUCK YOU to YOU.........This is too people that were something really great too me no matter how long ago that was and I never opened my mouth or said something bad about you and yet that's all u could do to me (I'm just writing cuz it'll get it off my chest cuz I know they are not going to read this or know this exists)......Why this bothers me now I don't know but I guess it's cuz some pple have to be instigators and the fact that I care about pple. Tried hanging out with them cuz we hadn't seen each other in sooo many months and what DITCH me at the last second, you could of just said you didn't want to hang out. I just don't even know sometimes.....Right now all I feel is just sadness......i should be mad and upset, I am but its just some things hurt......I don't understand people. I've just got soooo much shit running through my head right now that I don't even know what to type. So I guess just Fuck you to who this goes too. And thanks I guess the time we had when we had it was something but apparently not because of the things you said, most of meant nothing and just that thought hurts soooooooo bad, I know that was a long time ago but it still meant something too me.

FUCK YOU.

And well because i don't feel like starting a new entry....here are some recent pictures.....I haven't been too much for the photos lately but here ya go.............

.

Day gets better.

2005-05-28T15:45:32Z

lol well my birthday today has gotten a lil better. Paul let me use his camera so I could take pictures of some of my tags I tried to do. Lol they suck but o well. I'll hopefully get better.

here's us on our way to where my tags are.

This is the first one I ever did and then this kid bob sprayed over it lol. Well it sux so I guess it deserved to be written over.
I did this one like in 3 mins haha. I just got bored.
lol I look like shit in this picture :(.........o well, I'll just take some better ones lol. haha and the sun was in my eyes lol I was all squinty and what not.

It's my birthday

2005-05-28T08:45:10Z

It's my birthday. I'm 20 now lol.

Work sucks.....

2005-05-26T15:18:43Z

So once again worked f-ing sucked......GOD.....that's all I can say. It can kiss my ass. I look like shit and feel like shit. It just sucked, that's all I can say. I mean just damn......Gimme a break.......well Here I am upset and tired and dirty.....I need a shower lol.....and I'm going to take one........

.
work getting to me lol.

from a time when we were chilling lol.....just had to throw it in there.

and him being funny.

Laterz everyone

And Work still fucking sux.

03artist @ 2005-05-24T21:05:00

2005-05-25T02:05:09Z

Work sucked ass today........but o well......My birthday is coming up........I'm a lil depressed right now and don't know why. Lol just lonely I guess. But I'm getting used to that feeling so I was hoping it would go away, I know it eventually will. It only bothers me everynow and then. Lol I don't even know why I'm complaining about it so I'm done with that haha. Well I hope everyone out there is doing fine. I'd figure with as lil sleep as I've been getting I wouldn't be having dreams but....I've been having somewhat nightmares lately and what not but actually I think it was last night was actually the first good dream I've had in a while. Lol I didn't think you were supposed to feel pain in dreams, I only know a couple other people who do and almost everyone else hasn't, it's wierd. My dreams are very vivid too cuz of my artistic imagination and what not lol. It's always like everything is real and really happening which is cool..........but can suck when I have nightmares........o well lol, I'm just switching from subject to subject......but I'm done for right now.........Gonna go take a shower and go to bed for now.............Laterz everyone and have a good day.

nick

sup

2005-05-21T20:34:06Z

what's up everyone. I'm back from my mini road trip. It was ok we just skated a lot and stuff. It was still fun. And right now I need a shower lol. I bought me some new shoes and a shirt hehe:):):).......lol I really like my shoes haha........well Laterz for now everyone it's shower time..........

laterz

nick

03artist @ 2005-05-18T23:01:00

2005-05-19T04:08:48Z

Grrr.....how come I feel like I look really bad when I smile or Shave my goatie off.....but everyone says I look better.......ehh I don't know but here are some pics, but I don't like em.......here ya go...

Now this one is just of me being stupid......

well there enjoy lol.........so does everyone like me better with the lil goatee on my chin or with out???

Hey everyone

2005-05-17T23:57:12Z

How's everyone doing. Ehh I'm ok. It hurts to breathe at the moment. Every breathe I take in hurts on my right side. So also my mom got up and left apparently. That's the big reason I chose to work the 3am to 9am shift at UPS........So I don't have to listen to that crap everymorning. My parents arguing if you were wondering what I was talking about. Yeah so this weekend I get a fat check hehe, I made like 5 hours of over time too which is 14.95 an hour. So far this week I've kicked ass at work. Lol the boss had to use me as an example to make the workers that have been there for a couple years work harder. She told the how are they going to let me, someone who doesn't even have seniority and also has a broken finger beat them in work. Yeah I have a broken finger if anyone was wondering. Well yeah so I'm just going to get up and leave this fri. I miss my lake I think I'm going to go there. So yeah, I'm road tripping. Cuz I want outta here and that's the only place far away I know how to get too at the moment and really the only place I want to go. So yeah I'm gonna go there and spend sometime. Class is going ok right now. I'm done for the moment until we move on. Well hope everyone is doing ok. I'll talk to you later

<3 nick.

Bored

2005-05-17T03:09:58Z

Got bored after my brother's graduation so I took some pictures.........

not much but just something......laterz and goodnight.....

03artist @ 2005-05-16T17:00:00

2005-05-16T22:10:59Z

Aimless rambling.......Poetic rambling I guess of thoughts every now and then and of past experiences.

Her tears she cried,
They rolled straight down her face.
Into my eyes they fell.
A night of sadness and love.
That feeling of pain,
The thought of never seeing those eyes again.
Those tears contained joy and happiness,
Even sadness fell with them.
They fell into my eyes as I lay there,
Looking straight up into her eyes.
I held on tight,
Not wanting to let go.
Then the times passed.
Love was felt again,
but then lost once more.
Ended in arguements and yelling.
Friendship was barely regained.
Now............
Thoughts float by of her,
every once and a while.
A call here and there,
sometimes no answer.
Lately.......Nothing.....
months passed by.......
What happened to the words once spoken.
Some how we would keep in touch,
A love like that......
Couldn't lose touch.....
but.........
Could it lose touch?
Can you just forget......
Forget something like that.....
What has happened.......
Are you ok?
Maybe someday I'll hear from you
Someday...........
One day we will meet again.
In a place with out pain and suffering.
Will we still be friends then.
..........................

Nick

First Loves suck sometimes hahaha..

03artist @ 2005-05-16T16:08:00

2005-05-16T21:29:36Z

Just more pics of us having fun........

And of course always the cops want to ruin our fun:(......o well..........There's always another day.....

hey there everyone......I'll try to be here more..

2005-05-16T04:12:41Z

OH YEAH......Mountain Dew....Do you do the dew hahahaha.

hey there everyone......I'll try to be here more..

2005-05-16T04:05:18Z

03artist @ 2005-05-04T20:30:00

2005-05-05T01:32:08Z

I'm still here........A lil sick.........Can't wait for friday:)..........Well in class..........which isn't much fun lol. ready to go home........

03artist @ 2005-04-15T22:27:00

2005-04-16T03:29:56Z

Friday, April 15, 2005

Not in a very good mood...........The only people that care about me live so far away. God just soooo much is pissing me off. I should of just left earlier.I could be fishing now. I didn't even get a tux. I don't want to go to this here wedding so more than likely I'll just leave.....well........fucking walk.........O well whatever I just can't stand a lot of things at the moment. I'm just leaving. I'll fucking skate to somewhere. Don't care where just somewhere so I'll see you all later.

Public - 11:28 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Just getting off work. Today was my first full day on my own pretty much. It was great. I worked my ass off. Well to start the night off Hiovani showed up and was like lets go skate.......so I went skating down town KCMO.....that was awesome. We rocked and even some photographer wanted to take pictures of us, we dont' know what that was all about but o well I got a cool trick in on it. Then after that I went to work, and Tore it up. Lol I just did what I could and gave it my all. Then at the end of it the big boss lady came by and started talking to me and I asked her if she thought I did ok for my first day and she goes......................What...........haha ok..............You did a damn awesome job. She told me I have this arua that says I will do my best and go far lol. I know I'm carefree in life and what not but I am different at work when I have that responsibility and no one has really ever seen my acting that way accept for hiovani when he worked with me at fed-ex lol. It's just a good feeling. Lol the boss is pretty cool, They are better than at fed-ex where most of em were dicks. Lol we started talking about art and what not cuz we are both artists. It just makes it cool cuz I can work with people that are actually not dicks and people that like their employee's. I'm going to do my damndest and make my money and see if I can get promoted and what not haha. That way when I finish school, I'll have a good job during the day and hopefully a good one during the evening. I plan on having a great future and I'm going to make that shit happen. Well I'm tired as hell so I'm going to bed now. I'll talk to everyone later.

good morning to all of you and take care.

<3 nick

03artist @ 2005-04-10T15:39:00

2005-04-10T20:44:51Z

Today kinda sucked.........kinda is an understatement. Parents........that's what it always is..........Yeah well I can't stand much of it anymore after today. My dad threatened my mom with a knife and started stabbing the bathroom door. And when I try to interfere he starts yelling at my mom look what u did now my kids are against me...........Stupid fuck.......I'm not against you I'm fucking getting in the way of you going after someone with a knife. More than likely when he's that way he doesn't care about us sooo more than likely he will probably do something towards me if I get in the way.......cuz things have only gotten worse and worse not better at all. So Im sorry to those of you who have tried calling and talking to me and what not and I'm not in much of the mood or can't cuz I was leaving.....well It's because of my father.....my mom is afraid to drive anywhere cuz he's tried running her off the road a couple of times so I kinda go everywhere with my mom now and all that stuff. So yeah.........and My car has no breaks so I really need that fixed today otherwise I don't know how I'm getting to work tonight. I start tonight and I really need to be there. But I dont' know. Grr........Well I'm going to go now. Laterz everyone.
<3 nick.

Howdy

2005-04-06T16:57:59Z

Hi everyone. Sorry I don't do much on here. That'll be changing. I've got a lot on my mind lately. I know why they haven't let me start working yet, it's because of fed-ex and they are giving them a hard time. But so that has been taken care of. They had to make sure of my employment history. School is ok. It's not too bad. Home sucks. I've tried to put on the happy image but hah......I guess that's what I was trying to do on xanga as well but..............I am happy but only to a certain point......and that point is not very far. I miss a lot of people. Well actually just one. All my friends are more than likely leaving. Hiovani just asked krystal to marry him yesterday. He bought her a ring and proposed to her. Now they are getting an apartment together. Brandon wants to go back to new mexico and more than likely will. And paul is working all the time now. Well that's about all my friends. I tried going to first fridays but nobody wanted to go with me :(..........that's when all the art places are free on the first friday of everymonth and you can walk around all the art studios.........I went for like 5 mins but all it did was piss people off so I left. It's art and I love it people, wish you guys wouldnt' get mad at me for wanting to go. I just love art and that kinda stuff and I miss it and one day will be back in it. Well I guess I'm running out of things to talk about. Other wise I can talk about how much life sucks lol but I won't. Ok well laterz everyone and I'll ttyl.
<3 nick